Internationally recognized expert and dating coach for women over 50, Lisa Copeland, shares the three things you may be doing wrong without knowing it.
A study found that “53% of singles over 50 feel it is appropriate to kiss someone after one date”. So, if the two of you fall into that 53%, follow your heart and go in for the kiss. Dating Over 50: When to Kiss? Traditionally the first kiss comes at the end of your date, but there can be other romantic moments to show that you’re interested. Dating After 50 For Dummies Cheat Sheet. In this article. By Pepper Schwartz. The exciting part of dating again after age 50 is that the relationship can take any shape you want. There’s more communication, more honesty, and fewer assumptions about what “dating” means or where it’s going. Nevertheless, you still may need help navigating.
Over the years, I’ve worked with thousands of women in their 50s to help them overcome the challenges they’ve faced while dating. Three mistakes repeatedly show up over and over again. As someone, who’s very familiar with what works for women dating in their 50s, I’d like to share these mistakes with you, plus fill you in on what you can do to overcome them in order to find love after 50.
Mistake #1: Dating like you’re in your 20s.
When you were in your 20s and dating, you looked for men who were handsome and strong. It was, and is, part of your DNA coding from the caveman days to look for a man who could ultimately give you strong, healthy children.
When you’re over 50, you’re no longer looking to procreate. Yet, you go online or out to events and who do you look for? A handsome and strong man. The thing is looks and strength alone won’t get you what you need at this time in your life. (Or any time of your life really.) Why is that? Because you want a partner who can be there for you through the ups and downs of life, who can be a great lover, a friend, and a fun and playful companion.
When you’re looking for a man who might be the one for you, look for more than just looks. Figure out what’s important to him and see what values you share. This is the glue that will hold your relationship together.
Mistake #2: Looking for love vs. a relationship.
Falling in love is amazing. You have amazing chemistry because you’re body is releasing a hormone called Oxytocin that makes you feel like the two of you were always meant to be.
During this time, you’re wearing rose color glasses that can make a man appear perfect for you. At this point, what you are doing is fitting that square peg into a round hole and making it work. He can do no wrong!
Love is amazing but when the rose color glasses come off, which they will, you want to have fallen into like with this person too. You want to know that the two of you can deal with the day-to-day issues couples face together.
Chemistry is sexy and wonderful but it’s not the quality that sustains a long term relationship. Look for someone who can be there for you through the ups and downs of life. Someone you can communicate with. Someone you can easily work issues out with when they come up. Someone you like at the end of the day.
Mistake #3: Hanging out with Debbie Downers.
Nothing brings your hopes down faster than a Debbie Downer. This is the woman who thinks no good men exist, especially online, and they’ve given up.
Their attitude will affect you and keep you from making your dreams of love after 50 come true. Why? Because negativity is contagious and if you hang out with enough people that tell you it isn’t possible, that’s what your belief system will become over time.
If you want to find love after 50, hang out with people who are out there having fun dating and attracting the relationship they want. You need to believe in your dreams and surround yourself with people who will support you as you make them come true. Love after 50 is possible!
No one was born knowing how to date and that’s why over 50 dating tools and skills are so important. If you’d like to check out more of my advice, a great place to start is with a free report called the 5 Little Known Secrets for Finding Love after 50.
Lisa Copeland is known as the expert on dating over 50. She’s the best-selling author of The Winning Dating Formula for Women Over 50 and her mission is to help as many women around the world as she can discover how to have fun dating and finding their Mr. Right after 50. To get your FREE Report, 5 Little Known Secrets to Find A Quality Man, or to check out her 7 Day Over 50 Dating Challenge visit http://www.findaqualityman.com/.
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If you’re a man who is over 50 and attempting to date women, you might not realize the distinct advantages that you possess over younger guys.
A man of your age has had a lot of life experience and you really should be using that to feel confident in what you’ve got to offer women. Unlike a younger man who is still trying to work out who he is and what he should be doing with his life, you’ve likely past those stages and have become your true self as a man.
So, from here, you need to have confidence in the overall value that a woman will gain (emotionally, mentally, financially, etc) by being with man like you. However, don’t try to pitch it that way to women.
Women don’t like it when a man tries to sell himself to her by listing off all of his great or beneficial qualities. Instead, what you need to do is trigger her feelings of sexual attraction for you.
When you’ve triggered a woman’s feelings of sexual attraction, she then starts to look at everything else about you in a more positive light. Here’s how it works…
As you will discover from the video above, it’s possible for you to attract women who are a lot younger than you.
Most women (not all) are open to feeling attracted to different types of guys and if you can make a woman feel what she’s hoping to feel with a guy, she will be much more open to dating and getting into a relationship with a man of your age.
Getting Past Your Age
I think it’s fair to say that most people still consider dating to be something that “young” people do.
Despite the changes in our society, there still seems to be an unwritten law that once you’re passed a certain age you’re too “old” for dating. Yet, if you’ve reached that certain age and you’re a single man looking for love, the fact is that you’re going to find it in the same way that guys in their 20s and 30s do – and that’s dating.
Dating after 50 is no different to dating at any other age, because the principles of it remain the same.
After all, the whole idea of dating is to get to know the woman you’re attracted to and to figure out whether she is someone that you’re interested in being in a relationship with. However, with that said, the most common mistake that guys over 50 make when trying to woo a woman, is that they forget the all important element of sexual attraction.
Getting Back in to the Dating Scene
It’s understandable that many men in their 50s, who find themselves returning to the dating scene after decades of being in a relationship, start off feeling a bit insecure and unsure of themselves. If this is you, I can help you.
Insecurity and lack of confidence in your attractiveness and value to women at any age is a barrier to success with women, but the good news is that any man can overcome that at any stage in their life and irrespective of age. All a guy needs is a willingness to learn.
“But, I Don’t Have My Youthful Looks…”
Something a lot of guys in their 50s say to me is, “Dan, how am I supposed to attract a new woman into my life now that I’ve no longer got my youthful appearance? Surely, most women aren’t going to be interested in an old fella like me.”
What such men don’t realise is that I also get comments from guys half their age saying, “How am I going to attract a woman without movie star good looks?
Isn’t it all about being tall, dark and handsome?” I answer everyone in the same way – a man’s looks have very little to do with how attractive he is.
The notion that “attractiveness” is the way you look, the way you style your hair, the clothes you wear or even the car you drive is nonsense, but it’s the nonsense that is shoved in our faces day in and day out through TV, magazine and billboard advertising campaigns.
They want you to think that way because it makes you buy their cars, deodorants, colognes and expensive clothing.
You know the sort of thing I mean – wear a certain brand of deodorant and you’ll be irresistible to women, wear a certain brand of watch and you’ll become a distinguished gentleman in a woman’s eyes, wear a certain designer label and you’ll have soccer star status, etc.
Yet, when you go and buy those things, women still aren’t going to be interested unless you have the confidence and belief in yourself as a man to back it up.
A watch isn’t going to get you laid and a hairstyle isn’t going to make women say, “Wow, now THAT is what I’ve been looking for! The way you’ve styled your hair is perfect! Let’s have sex!”
In the real world (not the TV commercial world), women are attracted to confident men; they don’t buy into the false world of advertising “attractiveness,” so why should you? The sooner you let go of the idea that your not-so-good-looks are holding you back, the sooner you can get on with discovering what women really find attractive in a man.
Focussing on what you don’t have gets you nowhere, but focussing on what you do have gets you moving towards having whatever you want. Women love a man who believes in himself because he decides to believe in himself for deeper reasons.
Having temporary confidence over a new shirt you’ve just bought at a designer shop isn’t going to last very long at all. In fact, if you’re going around basing your confidence on superficial things like that, women will see right through it.
Some will even challenge you on the spot by playing hard to get, making it difficult for you to keep the conversation going and so on, so they can check to see how confident you really are. When they see that it’s just a front, boom – it’s over.
You Deserve to Be Confident After 50
At this point in your life, you’ve no doubt experienced a lot and have done many good or even great things in your life.
You’re also probably not to bad in the bedroom either.
Those and countless other things should be your reason for feeling confident.
Allow yourself to have that confidence, because when you do, women will love you for it. Dating after 50 is easy for guys who believe in themselves and know that their experience with manhood and their ability to “be the man” is like a drug to women of all ages.
If you don’t have a lot of confidence or are lacking in the masculinity department (mental and emotional masculinity), let me help you out. I’ve heard back from 100s of men over 50 who are now sleeping with women in their 20s and 30s, as well as men who’ve found a beautiful new women to share the rest of their life with.
Don’t Believe the Lies from TV Advertising Campaigns
There’s nothing that advertising campaigns like to do more than appeal to a man’s insecurities surrounding his age.
Think about it; they show the “sad” grey-haired man and then the “happy” man with newly dyed youthful-looking hair. He dyes his hair and then he gets the girl. Yet, in the real world, the many women I’ve spoken to about men dying their hair have said the same sorts of things, “It looks silly. You can tell that the guy is insecure and is trying to be something he’s not.”
As I’ve already said in this article, all women love men who believe in themselves for deeper reasons. Being a girl and dying to hair to “look young” is not cool and it’s not attractive. If anything, it actually makes you look like a guy who secretly isn’t into girls, if you catch my drift.
Hopefully you’re one of the smarter men who isn’t being tricked into thinking that women want you to look radiant and youthful. Hopefully you realize that men actually become more attractive to women as they age, as long as (and I repeat, as long as) the guy retains and builds on his confidence, continues to push forward in life and beyond what he has already achieved.
If you’re wanting to get a date after 50, but you’re lacking confidence and going nowhere in life, don’t expect women of any age to be lining up to be with you.
Most women, whether they’re 25 or 55, are instinctively attracted to the same characteristics in a man. What women really want is to be with a man who knows how to make them feel like a woman and who is able to consistently “be the man” around her and in life, and that’s it.
Yes, some women are picky about looks, but many women are more flexible with what they will find attractive in a guy than most men realize.
So get over that imaginary hurdle and stop thinking that a wrinkle cream or hair die will get you a hot lady. Stop thinking that all you need to do is spend all of your money on a sports car and THEN you’ll get the girl. Just believe in yourself, be a man and make women feel like women.
As you will discover from the video above, the real reason why a lot of good men fail with women is that they simply don’t know how to attract women.
When you interact with a woman, she is only going to look at you as a potential lover, boyfriend or husband if you can make her feel sexually attracted to you.
The more sexual attraction you are able to make women feel by way of your personality, confidence, vibe, body language, behavior and attitude, the more options you will have with women. It’s as simple as that.
“But, I’ve Got Baggage…”
Of course you do; you’re 50!
It’s no surprise that a man in his 50s might be carrying a little more “baggage” with him than a man in his 20s. It’s totally normal, expected and nothing to worry about at all.
For instance: Maybe he’s got kids, maybe he’s got six dogs, three cats and a goldfish, but is any of that an issue? It will be an issue only if he chooses to see it in a negative way.
Dating In 50s And 60s
Sure, you might have different sets of responsibilities by the time you reach your 50s compared to a guy in his 20s, but you don’t need to consider it “baggage,” it’s simply part of who you are.
There’s nothing wrong with you having a past with other women, or having a dog that you love or having your children come and stay with you on weekends. Women are attracted to men who know who they are; men who have established their own set of values in life and men who have the strength of character to stand by those values and always be true to themselves.
Knowing who you are and knowing what you want from life makes you an attractive man at any age. To get over this particular hurdle regarding dating after 50, all that you need to do is realise that most women (not all) are interested in “who” you are, not “what” you are.
“But, I’m Set in My Ways…”
If you want help and advice about dating after 50 because you’ve realized that the world has changed since you were last on the dating scene, you need to be prepared to learn from current experts in the field.
Trying to use advice that was applicable 40 years ago is only going to cause you trouble because, believe me, things really have changed. To master the modern dating scene, you need to be open to learning and that means being open to change. If you’re too set in your ways and you’re not open to change, things are going to stay exactly as they are.
Don’t make the mistake of getting locked into thoughts of, “Well I am what I am, so it’s too late to change anything now.” Success with women is all about taking steps to become the best version of yourself it’s possible to be, so you can attract a quality woman and keep that woman (if you want to!).
Dating For The Over 50s Communities
Don’t settle for second best or worse – nothing at all. You deserve to be happy and have a beautiful woman to share your life with, or if you prefer, many beautiful women to share your bed with.
If you’re dating after 50 and are looking for advice, then let me help you. I’ll show you the way to quickly having your choice of beautiful women…and you don’t need to change a thing about your physical appearance to make that happen.
Ready to begin?
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